BROADSIDES

September 26, 2005

John Kerry Is To Speechwriting What Ted Kennedy Is To Teaching Drivers Education Courses; What Bill Clinton Is To Not Committing Adultery; What Jimmy Carter Is To Hostage Negotiating; What Walter Mondale Is... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Presidential loser John Kerry, Ho Chi Minh's favorite American, released a statement criticizing President Bush's response to Hurricane Katrina. Here are some excerpts as reported in The Hill:

This is the Katrina administration. Katrina is a symbol of all this administration does and doesn't do ... Michael Brown is to Katrina what Paul Bremer is to peace in Iraq; what George Tenet is to slam-dunk intelligence; what Paul Wolfowitz is to parades paved with flowers in Baghdad; what Dick Cheney is to visionary energy policy; what Donald Rumsfeld is to basic war planning; what Tom Delay is to ethics; and what George Bush is to "Mission Accomplished" and "Wanted Dead or Alive."

Uh ... yeah ...

Did Kerry dip into his wife's arthritis remedy before composing that verbal shipwreck? Or did he hire an 8th-grader to write it? Sheesh.

John Kerry believes this was a clever and blistering broadside. In truth, it's proof that when it comes to political communication, Massachusett's junior senator rates an even lower grade than his C-minus average at Yale.

Senator Kerry, take my advice. Stick to the job for which you've demonstrated much talent: massaging your drunken wife's feet.

B. Sides @ 6:50 AM

September 11, 2005

"A Common Field One Day. A Field Of Honor Forever."
Shortly after the attacks of September 11, 2001, Congress honored the passengers and crew of United Airlines Flight 93 by authorizing a monument to their uncommon bravery.

To that end, the National Parks Foundation is raising private donations for the Flight 93 Memorial Fund and is holding a design competition. Once established, the memorial in Orange County, Pennsylvania will enshrine forever the extraordinary valor of ordinary Americans who gave their lives to save Washington, D.C. from a devastating terrorist attack.

At the moment, there is a large temporary memorial at the crash site in Orange County. Of the many tributes on display there, one is a message from a Los Angeles firefighter which can serve as the Memorial Fund's mission statement:

May all who visit this place remember the collective acts of courage and sacrifice of the passengers and crew, revere this hallowed ground as the final resting place of those heroes, and reflect on the power of individuals who choose to make a difference.

To donate to the Flight 93 Memorial Fund, visit the National Parks Foundation website here.

B. Sides @ 3:08 PM

"We Honor Their Memories"
A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

Americans will always remember the terrible events and violent cruelty of September 11, 2001. We will always honor the many innocent lives that were lost, and we will never forget the heroism of passengers, first responders, and others on that day. During this year's National Days of Prayer and Remembrance, we pay tribute to the memory of those taken from us in the terrorist attacks in New York, in Pennsylvania, and at the Pentagon. We pray for the families left behind who continue to inspire us through their steadfast character, courage, and determination.

In the time since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together to defend America and advance freedom. We are grateful to our brave men and women in uniform who are making daily sacrifices at home and at posts around the globe, and we pray for their safety as they defend our liberty. In the war on terror, we have lost good men and women who left our shores to protect our way of life and did not live to make the journey home. We honor their memories, and we pray for their families.

The war that began for America on September 11, 2001, continues to call on the courage of our men and women in uniform and the perseverance of our citizens. The past 4 years have brought many challenges and sacrifices, yet we have much reason to be thankful and hopeful about the future. America has become more secure as terrorists have been brought to justice, two of the most brutal and aggressive regimes have ended, and freedom has spread in the Middle East and around the world. In the months and years ahead, we will continue to defend our freedom and lay the foundations of peace for our children and grandchildren.

During these Days of Prayer and Remembrance, we give thanks to the Almighty for our freedom, and we acknowledge our dependence on the Giver of this gift. Four years after September 11, 2001, we remember the lives lost and pray for God's continued blessings on their families and our Nation.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Friday, September 9, through Sunday, September 11, 2005, as National Days of Prayer and Remembrance. I ask that the people of the United States and places of worship mark these National Days of Prayer and Remembrance with memorial services and other appropriate ceremonies.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this ninth day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand five, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirtieth.

GEORGE W. BUSH

B. Sides @ 8:32 AM

September 09, 2005

Silly Sods
Hunger strikers pledge to die in Guantanamo -- London Guardian headline

Good!

The bleeding-heart tenor of the Guardian article suggests that this is somehow bad news. But I can't think of more convenient and tidy way to fight a war than for the enemy to volunteer to starve itself to death.

This brings to mind the conclusion of Monty Python's Life of Brian. Brian Cohen -- who was born the same night as Jesus in the manger next door -- is being crucified by the Romans. Just as it seems all hope is lost, the much feared and vaunted Judean People's Front arrives to save Brian and do battle with the Romans; they then pull their swords and kill themselves. The nearly dead JPF commander, impaled on his own sword, boasts, "That showed them, huh?" Disappointed, Brian sighs, "You silly sods."

As a fellow crucifixion victim urges Brian in his last moments, let's look on the bright side of life. A hunger strike by the Guantanmo terrorists means American taxpayers save money on the food bill and the empty-tummy terrorists won't have to use Koran-clogged toilets anymore. Everybody wins!

B. Sides @ 9:21 AM

September 01, 2005

Convene Congress
In terms of human and financial loss, the disasterous aftermath of Hurricane Katrina is on a par with the September 11 terrorist attacks. Yet it seems there's no suggestion that Congress cut short its Labor Day recess and immediately return to the Washington.

That's why the president should exercise the constitutional authority granted to him in Article II, Section 3 to, "on extraordinary Occasions, convene both Houses" of Congress.

Even if Congress is currently scheduled to reconvene next week, the president should formally call both Houses into session to assure the victims and the rest of the nation that this enormous challenge is being addressed.

B. Sides @ 1:25 PM

Saving the Gulf Coast
There are a bunch of ways to help the folks hit by Hurricane Katrina. If you want to contribute to the Gulf Coast hurricane relief effort, there's the American Red Cross. You can donate online here or call 800-HELP-NOW.

My preference, however, is the Salvation Army. There are several ways to donate to the SA's hurricane relief fund:

Online
Americans are donating so much money to help hurricane victims that the Salvation Army has set-up more secure servers to accomodate the online traffic. Go here to donate online; because of the generous response, the servers may be slow.

Phone
800-SAL-ARMY

Mail
Salvation Army Disaster Relief
PO Box 4857
Jackson, MS 39296-4857
(Checks payable to "Salvation Army Disaster Relief")

In-Person
You can make a donation to the Salvation Army's relief effort at any WalMart or Sam's Club.

As the SA website notes, "a $100 donation to The Salvation Army will feed a family of four for two days, provide two cases of drinking water and one household clean-up kit, containing brooms, mops, buckets, and cleaning supplies."

So much for so little. Please help.

B. Sides @ 10:29 AM