BROADSIDES

January 30, 2006

All In The Family
According to the president, the Bush family has new addition. Reports Reuters: "President George W. Bush says Bill Clinton has become so close to his father that the Democratic former president is like a member of the family ... Asked about his father and Clinton, Bush quipped, 'Yes, he and my new brother.'"

Yikes!

Hey, W! Lock up your daughters!!

B. Sides @ 12:46 PM

January 19, 2006

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?
Last Sunday, much of the press was abuzz with reports that the United States had "botched" an attempt to kill some of al-Qaeda's leading vermin while they were having dinner. The pro-terrorist London Guardian breathlessly reported that a U.S. "missile attack on a mountain village killed women and children. The attack was precise, the intelligence was flawed."

Gasp! How dramatic.

The drama queen Guardian reporter continues:

... though the technology that guided the missiles to their targets at 3am on Friday was faultless, the intelligence that had selected those targets was not. Even as American military and intelligence sources spoke of the possible death of Ayman al-Zawahiri, the second-in-command of al-Qaeda and the man considered to be the brains behind the militant group's strategy, Pakistani officials said that there was no evidence any 'foreigners', shorthand locally for al-Qaeda fighters, were among the 18 victims ...

The only thing "botched" here is the Guardian's wishful-thinking disguised as reporting.

Turns out that during dinner on that Friday night in Pakistan, at least three leading al-Qaeda stinkies had a Hellfire missile for dessert. Yummy! Try the Hellfire -- it's to die for!

The AP reports on the indentity of the dead diners:

Pakistani officials say they likely included Midhat Mursi al-Sayid Umar, an al-Qaida explosives expert with a $5 million bounty on his head.

He allegedly tested chemical weapons on dogs and trained hundreds of fighters at a terror camp in Afghanistan before the fall of the Taliban in late 2001. Terrorism experts believe that among his students were the suicide bombers who killed 17 U.S. sailors on the USS Cole in 2000.

Another likely victim is Abdul Rehman al-Maghribi, a Moroccan believed to be al-Zawahri's son-in-law, who acted as a PR man for the terror group, distributing CDs and videos to publicize its exploits and attract new followers.

But the biggest quarry could be Khalid Habib, al-Qaida's operations chief along the Afghan-Pakistan border — from where militants can launch attacks on U.S. forces and Afghan government targets. Pakistani officials also accuse him of planning two assassination attempts on Pakistan President Gen. Pervez Musharraf.

"You can say he's the No. 3 leader," [terrorism expert Rohan] Gunaratna said. "As the chief operations officer, he decides who gets hit and when."

If no terrorists died as a result of a U.S. airstrike last Friday in Pakistan, as the Guardian smugly claimed, then someone at that dinner table had one hell of a case of gas.

B. Sides @ 3:02 PM

Kennedy Title Update
Though really gruesome Senator Ted Kennedy has chosen a title for his upcoming children's book, Pam emailed me from an undisclosed location with this gem of a suggestion:

Driving Miss Kopechne

Speaking of upcoming children, check this out.

B. Sides @ 1:59 PM

January 09, 2006

Tainted Turkey
A wire report claims that there are 15 cases of bird flu in Turkey.

Bird flu in Turkey. Who didn't see that coming???

Next obvious health scare: high cholesterol levels in Greece.

B. Sides @ 4:03 PM

What's Next? A Children's Book By Ron Jeremy?
The AP brings word that Sen. Ted Kennedy has written a book for children. I don't remember the title but here are a few possibilities:

The Chappequiddick Express
The Little Brother That Couldn't
James and the Giant Peach Schnapps
Sinderalla
Green Beer and Ham
Curious Georgette
Pippi Takes Off Her Longstockings

Any other suggestions? Email me.

UPDATE: Susie S. reports in from her secret bunker somewhere in the Midwest with more title suggestions:

Goodnight, Moonshine
Clifford the Big Red Drunk
The Harry Pothead series
Where the Wild Girls Are
Grimm's "Fairy" Tales
Little Brewery on the Prairie
Stoned Soup
Lassie Come Home from Rehab
Sarah Plain and Tall and Discreet
Mary Poppin Fromacake
Swiss Family Bankers
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Mary Jo is Blue Fish
The Adventures of Huckleberry Gin

All classics. Turns out Sen. Kennedy's book is told from his dog's point-of-view. According to James Taranto, the senator's dog is named Splash. (Seriously.) And Susie S. claims to have located a photograph of Splash.

B. Sides @ 2:00 PM