January 17, 2005
When super villain Art Modell fled Cleveland for Baltimore and morphed the Browns into a roadkill-snacking, rabies-carrying fowl that apparently intimidates only That Drunken Edgar Allan Poe, I gave up on the NFL.
I may catch a few playoff games or, if I'm feeling particularly masochistic, I'll watch the Super Bowl. But I don't care who wins. In fact, it's more entertaining to watch fans who deeply care about the outcome.
One such fan, according to Steelers wide receiver Antwaan Randle El, is God:
God had His hand in that game. Nobody misses field goals like that, having opportunity after opportunity to win a game. We had no chance. It wasn't even in our hands. When that happens, you thank Him and move on.
Wow! So God blocked those field goals? Wait a minute--isn't that cheating? Last I checked, the rules permit a team to field 11 players, not 12.
It's irksome when a fan affects the outcome of a game; like that grabby Cubs fan in the Wrigley outfield a couple years ago. But when the fan happens to be the omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent Creator of the Universe, even Paul Tagliabu is powerless to do anything about it.
I'm no theologian but I seriously doubt that God's "To Do" list includes fixing NFL games. But one thing is for certain: if God does attend NFL games, He has a skybox.
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