February 02, 2004
The Super Boob
Was it really necessary for CBS to reveal during the Super Bowl halftime craptacular that Michael Jackson has breast implants? [shudder]
The halftime show controversy is overshadowing what was the best NFL championship game in years. And that makes manifest this ugly fact: football is incidental to the modern Super Bowl.
Ironically, teams play for the Lombardi Trophy but had Vince lived to see what transpired in Houston last night, he probably would've demanded that his name be stricken from the trophy.
It's time to put football back in the Super Bowl. Here's how:
1) The Super Bowl should never be played in a domed stadium. There's no room for physical comfort in the game of football. Enduring the unpredictable natural elements and adjusting a team's game plan accordingly are as much a part of the game as the pigskin itself.
2) Football is a fall/winter game and, as such, the NFL championship game should, from time-to-time, be played in frostbite-caliber temperatures. I'm talking the type of climate in which referees have to sweep snow off the yardage lines and hash marks.
3) Eliminate the mindnumbingly awful, celebrity-polluted halftime farce and replace it with a marching band from a local high school.
4) Limit halftime to 15 minutes.
Pretty easy, huh? Too bad it'll never happen.
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