John F. "Sleazeball"
Even though Mr. Teresa Heinz née Kerry
denies allegations that he's boinking a woman other than the Countess of Ketchup, Terry Polier -- the father of the alleged mistress Alex Polier --
maintains that the Massachusetts senator is "a sleazeball." (Mr. Polier is referring to John Kerry not Ted Kennedy; any confusion is understandable.)
Conveniently, Miss Polier recently left for Kenya and had no comment when contacted by the Sun.
If the allegations are true, Kerry can minimize the political damage by choosing Gary Condit as a runningmate. That way, Kerry can tell voters, "Hey, at least my mistress turned up alive!"
