If You're For War, Eat More!
The pope is
urging the masses to fast today to demonstrate opposition to the war on Saddam Hussein. (How in the hell fasting prevents war, the good pontiff didn't explain.)
By the same token, I want to urge those in favor of defending America and liberating the Iraqi people of the scourge of Saddam Hussein to pig-out today. That's right, gorge yourselves at Freedom's All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. Super-size your Wendy's meal...hells bells, super-duper size it! Try to set a Guinness record for woofing down the most KFC honey barbecue wings. And no American feast would be complete without pizza. Lots and lots of pizza...so order two: one for the main course and one for dessert.
Then, when you can't eat another morsel, lean back, unbutton your pants, belch and bask in warmth of the knowledge that you nullified the efforts of the pro-Saddam fasters by eating the food they didn't.
Take
that, Your Holiness.
