BROADSIDES

April 17, 2005

Scaling Back The Drug War
Associated Press headline: "Cocaine Found in Canned Fish in Peru"

Must've been blowfish.

April 13, 2005

American Students "Die" For Saddam
Two years ago yesterday, America's armed forces introduced Saddam Hussein to the concept of term limits. On this anniversary, one would think that every American would be grateful that Saddam is no longer slaughtering innocent Iraqis and sponsoring international terrorism. And one would be wrong.

Last week a handful of alleged humans enrolled at Ohio University protested U.S. policy in Iraq with a "die-in." A die-in, by the way, consists of protestors sprawled on the ground pretending (unfortunately) to be dead.

If only Jim Rhodes were still governor, alas.

Anyhoo ...

As Opinion Journal notes, there's at least one OU student taking exception to the die-in protest -- senior Marc Fencil, who is also a United States Marine currently deployed in Iraq. In a letter to the editor of the university newspaper, Mr. Fencil extends an invitation to the fake corpses at OU:

It's a shame that I'm here in Iraq with the Marines right now and not back at Ohio University completing my senior year and joining in blissful ignorance with the enlightened, war-seasoned protesters who participated in the recent "die-in" at College Gate. It would appear that all the action is back home, but why don't we make sure? That's right, this is an open invitation for you to cut your hair, take a shower, get in shape and come on over! If Michael Moore can shave and lose enough weight to fit into a pair of camouflage utilities, then he can come too!

Make sure you all say your goodbyes to your loved ones though, because you won't be seeing them for at least the next nine months. You need to get here quick because I don't want you to miss a thing. You missed last month's discovery of a basement full of suicide vests from the former regime (I'm sure Saddam's henchmen just wore them because they were trendy though). You weren't here for the opening of a brand new school we built either. You might also notice women exercising their new freedom of walking to the market unaccompanied by their husbands.

There is a man here, we just call him al-Zarqawi, but we think he'd be delighted to sit down and give you some advice on how you can further disrespect the victims of Sept. 11 and the 1,600 of America's bravest who have laid down their lives for a safer world. Of course he'll still call you "infidel" but since you already agree that there is no real evil in the world, I see no reason for you to be afraid. Besides, didn't you say that radical Islam is a religion of peace and tolerance?

I'm warning you though -- it's not going to be all fun and games over here. You might have bad dreams for the next several nights after you zip up the body bag over a friend's disfigured face. I know you think that nothing, even a world free of terror for one's children, is worth dying for, but bear with me here. We're going to live in conditions you've never dreamt about. You should get here soon though, because the temperatures are going to be over 130 degrees very soon and we will be carrying full combat loads (we're still going to work though). When it's all over, I promise you can go back to your coffee houses and preach about social justice and peace while you continue to live outside of reality.

If you decide to decline my offer, then at least you should sleep well tonight knowing that men wearing black facemasks and carrying AK-47s yelling "Allahu Akbar" over here are proud of you and are forever indebted to you for advancing their cause of terror. While you ponder this, I'll get back to the real "die-in" over here. I don't mind.

Yowza! Thank God for patriots like Marc Rencil.

B. Sides @ 9:40 AM

April 04, 2005

Selfless Heroism
Two years ago today, Sergeant First Class Paul Smith saved the lives of more than 100 American soldiers in the battle for Baghdad's airport by heroically repelling a more heavily armed, numerically-superior Iraqi force. SFC Smith was able to hold off enemy forces long enough for American reinforcements to arrive--at which time he was mortally wounded by Iraqi fire.

Today, President Bush posthumously awarded Smith our nation's highest award for valor, the Medal of Honor. Smith's widow and children represented him at the White House award ceremony during which his 10-year-old son, David, accepted the medal from the president. An excerpt of the president's remarks:

Scripture tells us, as the General said, that a man has no greater love than to lay down his life for his friends. And that is exactly the responsibility Paul Smith believed the Sergeant stripes on his sleeve had given him. In a letter he wrote to his parents but never mailed, he said that he was prepared to "give all that I am to ensure that all my boys make it home."

On this day two years ago, Sergeant Smith gave his all for his men. Five days later, Baghdad fell, and the Iraqi people were liberated. And today, we bestow upon Sergeant Smith the first Medal of Honor in the war on terror. He's also the first to be awarded this new Medal of Honor flag, authorized by the United States Congress. We count ourselves blessed to have soldiers like Sergeant Smith, who put their lives on the line to advance the cause of freedom and protect the American people.

Like every one of the men and women in uniform who have served in Operation Iraqi Freedom, Sergeant Paul Smith was a volunteer. We thank his family for the father, husband and son and brother who can never be replaced. We recall with appreciation the fellow soldiers whose lives he saved, and the many more he inspired. And we express our gratitude for a new generation of Americans, every bit as selfless and dedicated to liberty as any that has gone on before -- a dedication exemplified by the sacrifice and valor of Sergeant First Class Paul Ray Smith.

The Army has unveiled a website honoring Sergeant Smith. Check it out.

B. Sides @ 4:06 PM

Burglin' Berger
On April Fool's Day, appropriately enough, former Clinton national security advisor and noted slob Sandy Berger stood before a federal magistrate to plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge of "unauthorized removal and retention of classified documents" from the National Archives last year.

Berger, who was at the Archives to prepare for his 9-11 commission testimony, also admitted to deliberately destroying some of the 9-11-related documents but apparently wasn't charged for this under the plea bargain with federal prosecutors.

Berger must pay a $10,000 fine and surrender his presumably grease-stained security clearance for three years.

When did stealing become "unauthorized removal and retention?" And here I always thought Bonnie and Clyde stole from banks; turns out that all they did was just remove and retain cash from the banks without authorization. Those crazy kids! In light of this, it hardly seems fair that they were shot several hundred times for their ornery hijinx.

And when did pilfering classified documents become a mere misdemeanor punishable by a temporary loss of security clearance? This should come as quite a shock to the likes of John Walker, Aldrich Ames, Robert Hanssen and Earl Pitts.

Walker, Ames, Hanssen and Pitts, all of whom had high level security clearances when they stole classified information, are doing hard time--Pitts for 27 years and Walker, Ames and Hanssen are in for life.

These four traitors were motivated by money to steal classified material. Berger's motivation is unknown although he seems to chalk it up to just being an absentminded, sloppy klutz. No one, however, absentmindedly stuffs secret government documents into his pants and later makes copies and then destroys them. But should Berger's motivation really matter? Whether the reason is monetary, political, or ideological the result is the same--American national security is breached.

Let's pretend someone is browsing the National Archives gift shop and is caught shoplifting one of those crunchy, made-to-look-old copies of the Declaration of Independence, a few postcards and a "I Saw The Magna Carta" keychain. Who can doubt that that shoplifter would face jail time?

Yet when Sandy Berger is caught shoplifting classified documents, he's punished by being denied the chance for three years to steal more secrets.

Think about that: in three years' time, someone who pled guilty to stealing classified documents will be allowed access to classified documents.

The mind boggles.

B. Sides @ 8:27 AM