BROADSIDES

August 31, 2004

Rudy Hits A Homer
Sometimes a public speech changes the course of history. Lincoln's address at the Gettysburg battlefield and Reagan's "A Time For Choosing" address in 1964 are two examples.

And Rudy Guiliani's address to the Republican National Convention last night is also such a speech.

Rudy opened with the strongest possible argument for President Bush's reelection:

New York was the first capital of our great nation. It was here in 1789 in lower Manhattan that George Washington took the oath of office as the first President of the United States.

It was here in 2001 in lower Manhattan that President George W. Bush stood amid the fallen towers of the World Trade Center and said to the barbaric terrorists who attacked us, "They will hear from us."

They have heard from us! They heard from us in Afghanistan and we removed the Taliban. They heard from us in Iraq and we ended Saddam Hussein's reign of terror.

They heard from us in Libya and without firing a shot Gadhafi abandoned weapons of mass destruction. They are hearing from us in nations that are now more reluctant to sponsor terrorists.

So long as George Bush is President, is there any doubt they will continue to hear from us until we defeat global terrorism.

We owe that much and more to those loved ones and heroes we lost on September 11th.

So why was this address to the convention so historic? Two reasons. First, Guiliani defined the war on terrorism with a passion and eloquence not heard since George W. Bush's Whitehall Palace speech in London last November. And, second, by this speech Rudy Guiliani may have positioned himself as the frontrunner for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination.

Read a partial transcript of the Guiliani speech here.

B. Sides @ 3:25 PM

One Shot, One Kill
Want to help America's military snipers kill terrorists?

Of course you do.

Go to Adopt-A-Sniper and find out how you can help supply the sharpshooters of our armed services.

B. Sides @ 1:43 PM

Wahhhh! Wahhhh!
Uh oh! Someone's gwumpy and needs a nap!

Just a second while I turn up the volume on the baby monitor:

It is shocking that after four years, there is so little to talk about in praise of this president that Republicans have to launch such vicious attacks. -- Democratic National Committee spokesman Jano Cabrera, reacting to Republican opposition

Please.

Are Crybaby Democrats really shocked that Republicans attending the Republican National Convention are voicing opposition to John Kerry's mercurial policy positions?

Or are they just full of shit?

Uh oh! Someone's got a dirty dity!

B. Sides @ 9:52 AM

The Bounce
Conventional wisdom has it that a presidential candidate always enjoys a "bounce" in the polls after his party's national convention.

Apparently, however, George W. Bush is the first presidential candidate to get a bounce after his opponent's convention.

Drudge links to an ABC poll and an AP report which suggest that Bush has made "unmistakeable" gains leading up to the GOP convention.

No wonder Teresa Heinz is insisting on separate bedrooms.

B. Sides @ 7:52 AM

August 26, 2004

Thought For The Day
If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal ... Besides, when I read the list of people who are supporting Kerry, if I wasn't already a Bush supporter, I would have immediately switched. Linda Ronstadt? Don Henley? Geez, that's a good reason right there to vote for Bush. -- Alice Cooper, in a Canadian Press interview, via Drudge and World Net Daily.

B. Sides @ 11:39 AM

August 15, 2004

Does Life Imitate Monty Python?
Sure seems that way. Consider:

New York Post, 08/15/04
"Golan Cipel, the Israeli with whom New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey claims he had an affair, is straight and was sexually assaulted by the politician on more than a dozen occasions, Cipel's lawyers told The Post in an interview last night." [emphasis added]

Monty Python's Life of Brian, 1979
MANDY [Brian's mom]: Well, I suppose I should have told you a long time ago, but...
BRIAN: What?
MANDY: Well, Brian...your father isn't Mr. Cohen.
BRIAN: I never thought he was.
MANDY: Now, none of your cheek! He was a Roman, Brian. He was a centurion in the Roman army.
BRIAN [shocked]: You mean--you were raped?!
MANDY: Well, at first, yes.

B. Sides @ 10:37 AM

August 09, 2004

"You Are Cordially Invited To Undermine American Elections"
The State Department has invited officials from some European outfit called the "Organization for Security and Cooperation" to "monitor" our presidential election. "The observers," CNN reports, "will come from the OSCE's Office for Democratic Institutions and Human Rights."

Not only did the State Department fail to explain just how all this "monitoring" and "observing" will manifest itself, it also offered no hint as to why American elections require oversight of people from the land of kings and queens. Nor was there any explanation forthcoming where the State Department gets the authority to interfere with domestic elections.

Of course, the contention belying this invitation is obvious: since a Democrat narrowly lost the 2000 presidential election, the election itself must have been corrupt. So, to ensure that doesn't happen again, European observers are being asked to babysit the 2004 presidential election and, should Bush win, allege electoral fraud.

Didn't we fight a revolution to stop Europeans from meddling in our country's politics? And just on whose side is the U.S. State Department? Jeesh. (Where's Joseph McCarthy when you need him?)

Not only is it deeply insulting to ask a bunch of Eurofuck socialists to protect the integrity of our electoral process, it is blatantly unconstitutional. The Constitution does not authorize Congress or the executive to grant foreigners a capacity to monitor or observe the election of the president.

Hey, Judicial Watch, how about a lawsuit?

B. Sides @ 3:56 PM

August 02, 2004

Marooned With Maureen
In last Sunday's New York Times (or was it the Weekly World News? Well, doesn't really matter; both papers fake news stories), lefty hot babe columnist Maureen Dowd took a swipe at John Kerry's convention performance:

Given that the Kerry convention featured a skipper brave and sure, a first mate who makes others comfortable, a millionaire called "Lovey" by her spouse, two pretty young Kerry castaways and a movie star (the ubiquitously annoying Ben Affleck), I suppose we should be grateful that Camp Kerry didn't introduce the nominee with the "Gilligan's Island" theme song.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip.

This was two days after I also used a lame Gilligan's Island analogy to characterize Kerry's convention declaration that he wants to lead "an America where we are all in the same boat."

Clearly, Maureen and I have much in common. Perhaps the two of us should go out -- that is, as long as she doesn't mind that I fulfill a lifelong fantasy by calling her "Ginger" all evening.

B. Sides @ 4:24 PM

Oh Susannah, Forget The Batt-er-ies
Over at Leaning Towards the Dark Side, Darth McCabe notes an interesting legal development. For some goofy reason, Alabama has a law prohibiting the sale of sex toys. Someone sued, of course. The case made its way to the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals which ruled last week that there's no constitutional right to sexual privacy and upheld the Alabama statute. (However, it's unknown if upon losing the case, the plaintiffs asked to borrow the judges' gavels.)

What's strange is that the court justified its ruling by declaring that there's no constitutional right to sexual privacy. Why, I'm not sure; perhaps the plaintiffs based their argument on that premise. As stupid as this law is, the 10th Amendment gives Alabama and the other 49 states the authority to pass stupid laws and to ban the sale of just about anything. That alone should have been the justification for the court of appeals' decision to uphold this ridiculous law.

The 'Bama statute regulates commerce and has nothing to do with sexual privacy. This law is no different than, say, state laws forbidding the sale or use of radar detectors.

Also, the route by which the court of appeals arrived at its decision in this matter contradicts the logic of Roe v. Wade. If there's no constitutional right to sexual privacy how then can it be argued that there is a constitutional right to abortion?

Unless the Supreme Court reverses the court of appeals or the state legislature repeals the law, you folks in Alabama who need some assistance in the bedroom have no legal choice but to use cucumbers. Or that banjo on your knee.

B. Sides @ 11:38 AM

D'oh!
In the previous post, I mentioned that John Kerry served in Vietnam for 40 days. That's incorrect. He served for about 4 months.

To most of his shipmates, however, it must've seemed like 40 years.

B. Sides @ 9:53 AM